| Date: | 2006-04-12 15:51 |
| Subject: | Pondering |
| Security: | Public |
Well, TN is a coo' place to live. I love having Nashville 30 min down the road. I've been spending alot of time hangin out with my buddy Josh because he'll be leavin for Iraq soon. One of the friends I made over the past couple years. Kinda seems odd to me when I think about all my friends who are off doing their thing in Iraq or various places. Then I have my other group of friends who I have known for a long time who are keepin it real in Fayetteville and various other places aswell. Life is good....I think. I need to prob spend more time being productive than what I have been lately. I slack off too much these days. I could do so much more with my time but I don't. Eh, one of them things I guess I need to work on. Oh, and for the results of the quiz I took:
All-Around Smart
You are all-around smart. Essentially, that means that you are a good combination of your own knowledge and experience, along with having learned through instruction - and you are equally as good with theoretical things as you are with real-world, applied things. You have a well-rounded brain.
30% applied intelligence
20% natural intelligence
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Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
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Well, as I told people before I left life goes on. Things change, and as a song says, "Pictures fade away, but memory is forever." I was once told that after I joined the army I could come home to visit but never to stay. I understood it at the time, but it is slightly different when the practical application is applied. I realize now that home is always with you inside, and that snap shot you have will never be again. I think that is why you can make anywhere home. However, to return to what was a past home just leaves you unfulfilled. Well, guess that is enough rambling for me. To all my friends who read this, enjoy life to the fullest. There is someone not in this country fighting a war that most people don't support to make sure we can continue to enjoy everything we love to do. Anywho, peace out yall...
-Josh
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Ah, I woke up this morning, well closer to lunch I guess and it is raining again. Heard a crack of thunder and rolled my eyes. SO much for cleaning my car today huh? So I am completely settled in to this place and have started realizing things about having roomies. I won't go into details but it is definetly different. So I reported in Friday to be told we have a three day weekend. I laughed and was like, "I just got off of 3 weeks leave..." Don't get me wrong I love my three days. However, I am very much ready to just get started with my job. Sooner I do the sooner I get to go to cool schools. Only one I don't want right now will probably end up being the one they send me too. Lol, it's just my luck in life to get shipped off to Ranger school, which is 2 months long, and get food deprived and sleep deprived a bunch more. Yah, I don't miss much from fay. at all to be honest. Miss all my friends, but if I could move them all here I would. This place is just so much....less ugh. Fay. is startin to turn bad and I just needed to get out. Missin Rhi right now but I won't admit it to her. Even if she reads this I will deny it to her ~_~. Anywho, gonna go clean up the apt some I guess. To everyone I miss ya and will come visit when I can. I throw out the battle cry of, "PIZZA, CLEARANCE, THE ROCK, PANTS, AND FREE COWS!!" Some of yall will understand.
-Josh
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| Date: | 2006-03-06 19:15 |
| Subject: | The Master Chef |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  chipper |
So I have been busy since I got to TN. Currently....borrowing someone else's connection to get on the internet. Hey all I have to say is "unsecured." Their own fault really. Anywho, I bought a computer desk, stuff for the kitchen, and have cleaned and improved the bathroom. I'm the only one in the house who can cook apperantly or that likes to. Heh, the kitchen was horrible. Cleaned the fridge out and found bio-chemical weapons in developement. All in all it has been nice though. Got signed up for the gym today so I can work out. I felt much better once I did that. I also bowled today which was another plus. New ball #2 I got before I left works awesome on dry lanes like I wanted it to. Well, gonna go eat some more of my yummy porcupine balls I made. Then gotta clean up the kitchen and shower. Woot such a busy schedule.
-Josh
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Well, this week brings about one of the biggest changes in my life to date. Yah I know I went into the army and that was a big change but this week has the ultimate change. Even though I went in the army I was stationed at Bragg during my training so I never really left home. As of Saturday though I am gone. Moved most of my stuff to Clarksville earlier this week. Now just have to finish up the job and move up there. Gonna be kinda weird...When you've klnown one place for 10 years after moving every three before being there you kinda make that place home. I have thousands of memories with alot of different people, some good and some bad. Now I am moving on though. I'm starting my new life in a new place. To anyone who is a friend that reads this, if I don't see you before I leave I am sorry. It's no slight against ya I just only have so much time. Well, got things to do so I am off. Thanks everyone for the memories. In the end that's about all we have.
-Josh
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Yah, so I officially graduated today. Whoopy doo!! Was more for the families than for us. We just wanted to go home and get out of our Class A's. So I am 100% SF now. Took long enough to get there but I don't regret the decision. So from what I have read and the brief discussions with my little brother he doesn't like my new gf. Oh well, nothing I can do about it. He knows half the situation like normal with them so he makes the best decisions he can. Hey everyone liked my last one and she was psycho in a lot of ways no one ever knew about. So always remember boys and girls, you may not know everything. He's still my little brother though so I don't hate him for his insight. ANywho, Guitar Hero is tuh Bomb. Gonna find a 2nd guitar today. Thats a must. Anywho, will post more later and put my pics up.
-Josh the SF Commo Sgt.
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Yah, so this Christmas I will never forget. It started out alright last night. Then Angie and I got into a minor spat about something we both agreed today was retarded. I left the house to cool down and while I was gone apperantly other things happened so that when I returned it was not so good. The rest of the night was spent trying to salvage whatever we could of a good Christmas Eve. We opened our presents and I played camera man, which was commical. Not because I am a bad camera man, but due to my camera killing the crappy batteries mom got. I blew through 6 in like no time. I got a bunch of stuff for the new apartment in Tenneessee that I will be moving into in about 2 1/2 months. Well, last night ended, decently I guess. This morning the issues of last night were rehashed in a violent fashion. It put a lot of strain on everyone who was at the house and pretty much dropped the day in the toilet. Now most of the day is gone and everyone is just in a blah mood. Not how I expected to spend this Christmas, but hey at least I am not dead! Next year I have about a 95% to be in Iraq or some other desert country. It's kinda weird to think about that this could be my last Christmas at home. Well, worst comes to worst and I die, I will at least spend the next one with God and the angels. Should be a nice time I am sure. I leave for SERE on January 3rd. Passed my DLPT this time so I will move on with the last step of my training. I should be home around the 21st. I will then kill time till I graduate on Feb 3rd. Then I will finish clearing and probably leave North Carolina around the middle of Feb. Seems like so long ago I started this blasted course, and now I am finally done with it. So, I guess if anyone wants to see me they need to let me know with a quickness. Since time is running out.
-Josh
P.S. The Christmas isn't completely horrible, still have family even though we're slightly disfunctional right now ;-).
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Yah, I got hit with somethin tonight that shouldn't matter to me at all. Cept that it does for alot of reasons that I wouldn't tell anyone and things I was just burying in me that I am now paying for. Only 4 people will know what I am talking about and that's how it will stay. I realized in about 30 secs that all the life exp. I have been getting, everything I have down for 23 years, means absolutely nothin. I don't think God is punishing me, I think he is simply letting me reap the fruits of about 7 years of a sinful life that I have filled with everything but what I should have. I honestly don't think I will make it through language school for this reason. I think that I will fall and lose everything, and I mean everything. Oh well, i'm about worthless these days anyways, I front a happy lil existence just so people don't worry about me. Normally this is where I would say some word that my mother taught me when I was young was a bad word, but since that has gotten me no where in life I won't even bother now. I am just going to bed to hopefully fall into a sleep that will wipe tonight away. Chances are it will be there to haunt me all night long and in the morning the terrors will return to create a fun little cell I call my life where I will bounce off the padded cell walls till I either A) Snap and finish what I started when I was 19 or B) I will become so turned in I will do nothing but exhile myself to a life away from all others till God finally decides I have reaped enough of what I have sown and pulls me from the earth. I've made a name for myself be self-assured to the point of cocky. About 5 words and 10 secs blew that away like a cruise missile hitting a building. Pretty neat huh? Yay for the underdog, for this is not hollywood and he never wins. Oh and to one of the 4 who knows what the circumstance was that finished breaking me, thanks for everything you tried to help me accomplish, I know our efforts weren't in vain and I wish you the best of luck. To my family members, don't even talk to me about this post because I will ignore you like I didn't write it. To my friends who read it, if you don't hear from me ever again don't worry about it.
-Josh (Final Post)
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Yah I failed my DLPT. Needed a 1/1/1 to pass and I got a 0+/1+/1. I didn't do well enough on the listening so I get to go through 3 weeks of retraining. Someone who God seems to like better than me ask him what I did to deserve that?? Oh, also ask if he could help me on this next one. Since I had a bunch of people praying for me and I still failed it the first time. So either he has a plan for me, doesn't want me to leave fayetteville, or just generally likes making me scramble around and look stupid. Who knows, been a long 6 months and now I get to do another month of it. Goody Goody for me. Oh well, positive side I have been playing my guitar alot and I am enjoying that. Down side my best friend is busy with a girl again as per usual so I don't see him much anymore. Eh, used to that though I guess. Just in one of them funks where I don't feel like I am wanted much except by women for the completely wrong reason. Do I think I am sexy? No. Do I think I put off some aura that attracts every hoochie in a 100 mile radius? Yes. I think I need to have Angel lock me in her closet with some plushies till I can sort myself out. At least the plushies will be nice to me and won't speak arabic.
-Josh Duh Loser (or Hasir)
P.S. Random thingy everyone else did:
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Ok, I take my DLPT (Defense Language Proficiency Test) on the 2nd of Nov. Not really looking forward to it but I will be happy to get it out of the way. Barrin me not passing I will then more than likely head off to SERE on Nov 21st. It's gonna be COLD and they will do lots of sick and sadistic things to me which will probably give me nightmares for a few weeks when I get back. It's only 19 days I will be gone and only 3 of them are completely horrible. I will prob lose anywhere between 10 and 20 lbs while I am out there which means all the muscle I have put on over the last 5 months will be gone. Oh well, so is life. My life is currently stressful and hectic and I would welcome a massive rock falling on me so I could enjoy some peace and quiet. Oh well, I put myself in this situation so have no one else to blame. Eh, I will prob post more later. Just wanted to make a quick one.
-Josh
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| Date: | 2005-09-15 22:10 |
| Subject: | Emotion |
| Security: | Public |
Two Words....I Hate Love...
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So I guess it has been a really long time since my last post. Lots of things have happened since then. Whether or not I wanted to I have gotten semi good at Arabic. I personally hate the language and wonder how God allowed such a miserable language to be created. I figure he knows better than me though so eh what can I do. I'm no longer going to be staying at Ft.Bragg. Guess that is good and bad. Bad because I have to leave everything I have known for 10 and attempt to excel in an environment where nothing is familiar or comfortable. I've got some good friends goin with me though so I hope to be ok. The good thing about leavin is that I will get to show what I made of. I will get to do my job and prove that I am as good as I wanna think I am. I'm trainin for a marathon right now. Kinda slacked off some lately but gettin back on it this week. Been doin a new workout called crossfit to stay in shape. I think I am in some of the best shape I have ever been. Life has just been bizarre lately. Alot of my friends have gotten married and I still feel as though I am spinnin my wheels and stuck in neutral. I am looking for that profound blast of light from the sky to hit me and show me what I am supposed to do when it comes to women but it never seems to happen. *sigh* So is life I guess...I'm wonderin more and more if this whole army thing was the best choice for me. I think it is mostly because I have done nothing but classes thus far and I feel like I have wasted 2 years of my life. Ryan seems like he has himself well set to do what it is he wants and I applaude that. In some ways I think I just feel like me leavin is gonna signal the end of the life I have always known. Parts of me wonder what happens when I go off to war. Will I come back different? Will I come back to a world that doesn't want me? Will I come back carrying my shield or on it? The last one I care the least about because I have zero control over that one. Guess when my guardian angels get tired of chasin me around it will happen. Heh, I was readin Angel's post about the lady at the post office saying she should have a BF and I agreed. I know it will happen eventually, just gotta find you that guy who fits ya. Oh I also liked the new costume Angel. You looked simply beautiful in it as always. Which brings up somethin....Ok I didn't think I was completely oogly but I went to Florida this past weekend I got zero looks from girls. Now I was down with my buddy Tom who girls seem to gravitate towards (oh goody another Philip!) but I saw girls talkin to some really strange lookin cats. I was amazed but oh well. Guess it is not my lot in life to have women drool over me. Kinda sucks though, would be nice :-). So anywho, this post has gotten long and completely random. I don't remember what the post was supposed to have in it nor do I know if I even came close to gettin it in the post. Oh well, will try again lata...
-Josh
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First:
Ok, noticing a trend with multiple light sabers here. So I thought I would actually get on and post this morning. I have now completed: Basic training, SOPC (Special Operations Preparation and Conditioning), Selection (Phase 1), SOPC 2(Small Unit Tactics Prep), PLDC/BNCOC (Professional Leadership Developement Course/Basic Non-Commisioned Officers Course), Phase 2(SUT), Phase 3(MOS Training), Phase 4(Robin Sage), and now I begin the longest and most painful portion of the course...Phase 5 language school. After this I will have simply SERE(Survival Evasion Resistance and Escape) and I will be done with my trainging, awarded my green beret and tab, and sent to a team in 3rd group to begin distributing justice on not-so-nice people. Oh, back to language school, I got arabic as my language. Hence the painful part. I think I would rather take a flying leap into a large paper shredder. Oh well, it will just be 6 months of torture. I got 3rd group which means I will be stationed at Ft.Bragg so it looks like it is my lot in life to never leave fayetteville. Hehe, oh well I guess it could be worse, I could have gotten 5th group and Ft.Campbell which I had no desire to go to. Lez see, other than that not much happening in my life. I missed seein my sister when she brought her fiance in. I have had the same gf for 4 months now. Yep, my life is pretty dull huh? Don't know if I will make it up to AZ or not. Might try to get up there either friday or sat. I doubt I will stay the whole time though. I'd like to see everyone though so I might go up one day. Anywho, enough jabberin from me. Oh, another random side note, I make e-5 (Sgt.) at the end of the year once I am done with SERE. Will be perty spiffy.
-Josh
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Wow, it has been a long time since I posted. Heh, guess time flys when you're not having a lot of fun at work o_O...Eh, I guess learnign my new job is kind of exciting, but all this class time is killing me. We've gotten to actually use some of the new things we've learned and I had a blast when we did that. Right now though all I know is that I can't wait for Max Gain. That's when I get to us everything I have learned and make comms with like Oklahoma from Ft.Bragg. Should be pretty fun. Ok, other random news....I have a girlfriend now. Her name is Melissa, she's about 5'10", blonde hair, 25 years old, has a bachelors in Criminology, and has only been in Fayetteville for like a month and a half now. She's a sweetie who actually trys to spoil me. Kinda weird to have a girl do that. I'll get a pic up evertually of her I guess. So yah here are some song lyrics before I go to bed. I know I didn't post much but I am to tired right now to post more.
Live This Life
Chorus
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Then I will walk yes I will walk
With patience through that open door
I have no fears, angels follow me wherever I may go
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
And this is exactly why I am not scared to go to Iraq, Afghanistan, or any other lil podunk country who needs a good butt kickin. I'm not going to go anywhere till God decides he is ready for me to come home. Till then I figure me and my guardian angels might as well stay busy....
-Josh a.k.a NOW SPECIALIST Durand ^_^ (yay for promotions at the beginnin of the year!!)
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Well, Christmas is a little different for me this year. No presents for me to open, no usual family goofiness to get into. I learned something though when I was out in the woods over the last month or so...Home is no longer about a physical location to me. It is a place I keep inside and it goes with me anywhere. As long as I have a friendly face and some lively companionship I will be fine. Bein in Oklahoma with my buddy Brad has been awesome and I am really glad that I went through with flying out here even when I started to chicken out. Everyone enjoy today, but not just for today. Continue to enjoy everyday like you do today because what makes a day special has nothing to do with the actual day. Just has to do with that lil feelin inside that you have year round but we only let spring out at the end of every year. Who knows, might be a nicer world if everyone practiced the whole Christmas cheer thing all year long...
-Josh
P.S. To those who live with me, I will be home soon, to those who live near me, I will see you within time, to those who would like to see me, just let me know, and to those who wish bad things upon me, heh bring it punk ~_*
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*looks around at the world that he has missed over the last 35 days...questioningly he paces himself through the new mine fields of life to discover what happened and changed while he was gone only to realize that it is so much he might as well just not worry about it*
I have completed another Phase by the grace of God. This was by far one of the roughest things mentally and physically I ever endured. 48 hours without sleep, no food for around 24 hours or more, temperatures below freezing, getting soaked to the bone, rucks that weighed 100+lbs, and a constant fear of screwing up and being knocked out of the course. I dropped 8lbs since when I came in at Thanksgiving. I have a new respect for anyone who made it through Ranger school and I realize how little suck has been in my life till now. "As we walk these dark pathways we cling to the light we may see as we struggle to drive on only to realize that with every breath and every step we simply find ourselves wading further into the abyss to never see light again..." That about sums up how I felt out there most of the time. My body never hurt like it did out there and when I looked around at my fellow soldiers I saw the same pain in there eyes. Yet we pushed on out a sheer desire to be the best and to be what most will never be. I watched as friends fell along the wayside though. Men who were good and upright and had been with me for a year now that buckled under the strain, couldn't handle leadership, or simply made mistakes so grievous they were removed from the course. I watched people I never would have thought would fail drop and others soar in ways I couldn't fathom. I watched myself falter in the beginning and then draw strength from God and my fellow soldiers and achieve maximum success. Pride, wrath, anger, and hate all bled to the soil as groups of men clung to one another literally to draw warmth when the temperature dropped and canteens froze. Tempers flared as personalities to be the best clashed and youth and experience battled for dominance in a topsy turvy environment. I watched my own world become shaken as I realized that I could no longer stay a grey man to survive as I had done for years. I'm home now, enjoying the warmth, food, love, and rest that I gather from family and friends. However, all this makes me wonder if my grasp on the world was simply one of being spoiled, pampered, and sheltered....Once I have that tab and someone asks, "What do you think you are special or something?" I will simply look at them and with all the confidence in the world say, "Damn Straight...."
-Josh
"In the absence of light we reach for that which shines the brightest...May it be the leadership of a Godly man in this cursed world..."
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eh, everyone else was doin this....
Name Origin: Hebrew
Number of Syllables: 3.00
Gender: Male
More interesting facts about the name Joshua:
Lucky Number: 2
Ruling Planet: The Moon
Element: Water
Primary Color: Orange
Traits: Sensitive, domestic. Tends to be emotional and easily influenced to tears. Has a fertile imagination. Very fond of the home. Patriotic. Accepts changes in surroundings. Prefers to live near the water. Often possesses musical talents and would make a very good psychic.
I dunno if it fits me...So yah I leave on Monday for two weeks. Not real thrilled about the stupid thing I have to go to but oh well. Just go and do it and get it out of the way right?
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So what do you do when it suddenly hits you how much you're gonna have to sacrifice to have the life you want, the job you want, to do that which will make you feel like you are contributin to society? Well, these last couple of days I have really started to realize that almost everything I really want in life will have to be put on hold to make room for the current goal I am chasin. I will more than likely not have a gf anytime soon, I will more than likely lose the majority of my friends due to me not havin time to maintain the friendships, and I will more than likely lose myself and what makes me be to changing to be what I have to be for my job. So basically everythin I cling to in life I will have fly right out the window. Hmmm, seems like this could be one of the roughest decisions I have ever made in that I will stick to it even though I know how much I sacrifice for one job. Someday I will be an old man and I will look back at the life I lived and then I can question myself and ask, "Was it really worth what you gave up?" I only hope that when I get to that point my answer is yes. As it stands right now I don't know if I think it is worth losin everythin I am right now, but I wouldn't change the decisions I have made for any amount of money. I guess all I can do is hold on and try not to become too much a man that no one can recognize from whom I once was....
-Josh
"This job is a lonely job...throw your ruck on and walk for miles by yourself...That's just what we do"
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| Date: | 2004-10-01 23:48 |
| Subject: | Lil Update |
| Security: | Public |
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grininwolf's journal
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7.8
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restless
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